Posts tagged funny
Tuesdays with the Old Ladies
Nov 17th
Every Tuesday Nora and I go for a morning coffee and munchkin while Brinley is at dance class. You see, Brinley’s dance class is only and hour long and it’s just far enough away from our house where it doesn’t make any logical sense for us to try to come home and do anything. Once we got here, we’d just have to turn right back around to go pick her up. So, Dunkin Donuts it is (not that I’m complaining or anything).
The Dunks that we go to doesn’t have a drive-thru. In fact, I don’t think the entire town has anything that is drive-thru except for maybe a bank. It’s one of those towns. Anyway, I don’t mind going inside because it’s a good way to kill some time while Brinley is dancing. I wish I could wait in the waiting area and watch my tiny dancer, but Nora makes that quite impossible since she feels the need to touch everything! I spend the first few minutes of class watching her prance around and then return to catch the last few minutes. Anyway, back to Dunkin Donuts…
So every Tuesday there is this same group of old ladies sitting with their morning coffee (small black) and old fashioned donut. I don’t know if they just come on Tuesdays or if it’s a daily thing. Each Tuesday they smile as Nora and I come in and wave to us. Nora says Hi and we proceed to order our goods (this time of year it’s a medium gingerbread hot coffee with milk and one sugar for me and she gets 2 munchkins). Typically we’ll sit down for a few minutes if there is a free table. This particular Dunks is always packed with {old} people.
Yesterday we were enjoying our treat sitting at the table next to the group of old ladies. Every so often I eaves-drop on their conversation just because I think old people talk about the funniest stuff. The topic of conversation this week: bone density, osteoporosis and calcium supplements. It was basically a round table discussion on which supplement/medication was the best in combating bone loss, and man where these ladies getting heated! Most of the women seemed to prefer the once a month versions where one woman was adamant about the shot that you get once a year. Then of course was the two who thought that the once daily supplement was simply the best way. I can not believe how much they argued about this. Granted Nora and I were only there for about 10 minutes but this was apparently a very serious topic of conversation.
After Nora had devoured her munchkins I grabbed our things and we headed out the door. I was almost afraid to walk by the table where the old ladies were sitting. I hurriedly walked by only to be stopped by a tap on the arm from one of the old ladies. “Bye, dear,” she said to me as she waved and winked at Nora. Then, “I hope you take your bone density seriously!” I just smiled and walked out the door.
I can’t wait to hear what they’ll be talking about next week!
Conversations with Brinley
Sep 2nd
Yesterday Brinley came into my room as I was getting dressed. It’s funny how kids have no sense of privacy or the need to knock. Not that I mind, really, and not that she hasn’t seen it all before. But I digress…
Anyway, I was standing there in my towel drying off from my shower. I dropped the towel, was standing there naked and about to pull on some clothes. She looked up at me and made a strange face. Then she said to me:
“Mom, how come you still have boobies if you don’t breast feed Nora anymore?”
I took all I had in me not to burst out laughing at her. But I didn’t want to feel ashamed or embarrassed or like she shouldn’t ask me those types of questions. I love how inquisitive she is but sometimes a child’s innocence is sheer hilarity. I held in my laughter and attempted to explain to her that once you have boobies, they never go away (for the most part) even after you finish breast feeding a baby. She seemed satisfied with that answer, thank God, and just said, “Ok, mom” and scampered out of the room.
What’s your name and how old are you?
Aug 2nd
On Friday I took the girls to the library for a bit. Brinley loves books and really enjoys going to the library to pick out new ones to borrow. Nora, on the other hand, just wants to take all of the books off the shelves and make a mess. Thankfully they have some toys there too to keep her occupied.
Anyway, as I was browsing the shelves for some books that might interest Brinley, I noticed her walking over to a little girl that was looking for some books of her own. Brinley went right up to her and said: “Hi! My name is Brinley and I’m three and a half. What’s your name and how old are you?” This has become her new phrase of choice when we go anywhere and she sees/meets someone new. She asks the check out girl/guy at whatever store we’re in, she asked the sales ladies at the furniture stores this weekend, she asks anyone she meets at a park, and even when we’re just passing by someone she doesn’t know she’ll try to ask them. It’s cute but of course not everyone, especially older women, wants to share how old they are. Brinley doesn’t understand this and the other day a woman said, “Well, how old do you think I am?” Brinley just looked at her very confused and said, “I don’t know, that’s why I asked you.” Luckily the lady thought she was cute and we both just laughed. The lady managed to get away without giving away her age. My guess is that she was in her late 50s.
Anyway, back to my original story about the library. So Brinley asks the little girl and the girl says, “My name is Zoe and I’m four and a half.” Then they have the most adorable conversation ever!
Brinley: That’s a nice name.
Zoe: Thanks.
B: What’s your mom and dad’s names?
Z: Heather and Aaron.
B: Which one is the boy?
Z: Aaron
B: What street do you live on? I live on Rocky Road*. Do you live in Anytown*, too? What state do you live in?
Z: I live on Lovely Lane* in Anytown*. I live in Missachewits.
B: What planet do you live on?
Z: Earth.
B: ::in an extremely excited voice:: ME TOO!!
This entire time I’m standing behind one of the book shelves listening to the whole conversation. Then Brinley runs over to me and says, “Mom, this is Zoe and she lives on Earth too!! Can she come over to play sometime?”
*Street and town names have been changed to protect our privacy. 
The Odd Couple
Jul 9th
Last night I went grocery shopping. Alone. It’s amazing what is considered enjoyable alone time when you’re a mom. I was only gone about an hour, but it was an hour free of whining, begging, and melt downs. I could completely focus on the task at hand – filling my cart with food! There was no one asking for candy or cookies or needing to go to the bathroom half way through the store. I didn’t have to pay attention to anyone else. Yet, for some reason, I found myself thinking about the people around me. It’s amazing what you notice when you don’t have two nagging kids in your presence.
It started as I was getting out of the car. A woman was exiting the store. I’d guess she was in her late 20′s or early 30′s. She was tall, wearing a pencil skirt, a blouse and cardigan, peep toe heels and shiny jewelry. She had her long blonde hair perfectly straightened and just enough make-up on to be noticed. She walked toward the parking lot carrying a cardboard box. Walking toward her was a man who was probably around 40 or so. He had on stonewashed Levi’s, a light yellow polo shirt and sneakers.
The woman noticed the man and said to him, “Oh, hi! I was just going to bring this out to my car.” He said to her, “Let me get it for you.” And he took the box from her. They walked together, pretty closely, to a mid sized sedan and he put the box in the trunk. Then they turned and walked into the store grocery store together.
For the remainder of my time in the grocery store I kept trying to think of what their relationship could be. They didn’t seem close enough to be married. And she seemed a little young for him (in my opinion). They seemed very mismatched to be a “couple”. She was well dressed, tall and looked important. He was dressed very casually and was much shorter than her with salt and pepper hair. He definitely wasn’t old enough to be her dad. Maybe he was her brother or a coworker? But they’re initial encounter seemed on the awkward side, almost like on a first date. Maybe it was a DHG (disproportionately hot girlfriend) situation. ( If you are unaware of the DHG situation, please click here.) But who would go on a date to the grocery store? I still can’t figure it out. I have no idea why I even care about this, but it’s just one of those things. What’s your guess? Have you ever encountered a “couple” like this?
Who stole the fruit snacks?
Jun 16th
Call me what you will, but I reward my kid with fruit snacks for certain things. There was a point where she struggled with going number two and fruit snacks seemed to entice her. You do what you gotta do, right? It was my husband’s idea actually. He was grocery shopping with Brinley and got to the fruit snack aisle. At the time she was, capital O, obsessed with Dora and hubs spied a box of Dora fruit snacks as they strolled down the aisle. The two of them made an agreement in the store that they could get the fruit snacks and Brinley could have them whenever she had a successful number two on the potty. My husband is a genius (sometimes) and it really did help!
Anyway, it’s been quite a while now where going number two has been a non-issue. However, the fruit snacks always seem to creep into the shopping cart each week. The funny thing is, Brinley rarely asks for them at home and I’ve only ever rewarded her with them when she explicitly asks for them. So it is always a surprise to me when the box turns up empty in the pantry closet. What on earth could be happening to all of the fruit snacks? I don’t eat them and Nora is too young for them. Enter the guilty party, Scott!
I think suggesting we use fruit snacks as a reward for Brinley was all a part of his master plan to get them into the house. Of course it’s silly for a grown man to request I buy fruit snacks at the grocery store each week but chewy, gummy, fruity snacks are one of Scott’s greatest weaknesses. Gummy worms, gummy bears, those jelly fruit slices – he loves them all! It took me a little while to catch on to the disappearing fruit snacks but when I woke up one morning and noticed an empty wrapper on the coffee table, I knew he had to be the culprit. I usually sneak off to bed a little bit before he does at night and around that time, Scott is usually looking for a sweet snack. I laugh when I think about a thirty year old man sitting on the couch at night scarfing down a pack of Dora or My Little Pony fruit snacks. What’s even more hilarious is that sometimes he brings them to work with his lunch. I wonder what his coworkers must think!?
