Posts tagged funny

How to Ruin a Surprise (or Not)

Yesterday was Brinley’s 5th birthday.  Scott and I had given her all of her presents from us at her family-and-close-friends party on Saturday and were felling a little bad that we didn’t have anything to give her on her actual birthday.  So on Tuesday, after Brinley got on the bus for school, I took Nora up to Toys R Us to get Brinley a new bike. 

{Aside: Brinley has a bike but it’s way too small for her and she stinks at riding it because her legs are too long.  She can’t build up enough momentum on it and gets frustrated.  We’d talked about getting her a bike back and forth but didn’t want to invest a lot of money so close to winter in fear that she might outgrow this one just as fast as the last.  Well, turns out that the bike she liked last time we were at Toys R Us happened to be on sale for $49 so we figured it woudln’t break the bank.  Then when I got to the store, I was informed that it was on clearance for 25% off of that.  So it only ended up costing me $35!}

So, Nora and I go in the store, I find the bike (it was the last one!) and grab it.  I also get her a cute little basket for the front because she keeps talking about putting her (already-named-but-not-yet-and-may-never-be-owned) puppy, Sprinkles, in a basket to take him for rides.  Nora and I get back in the car with the (unassembled) bike and basket and head back home for nap time.  The entire excursion was pretty uneventful and we were back home in no time.

Later that night after the girls were in bed, Scott and I assembled the bike and left it in the downstairs family room with the plan to give it to her after breakfast the next day, her actual birthday.  So morning comes, I made chocolate chip pancakes and we we ate breakfast as a family to celebrate Brinley’s birthday.  Scott mentioned to Brinley that we had a present for her and her face lit up.  Then Nora chimes in, “We got you a bike, Brinley.”  I try to change the subject with Nora and direct her toward her pancakes because I was pretty sure Brinley didn’t really hear her.  Then she says it again, “Right, mom?  We got Brinley a new bike for her birthday?  Hey Brinley we got you a new bike.  It’s for your birthday.”  Ugh.  Brinley is complete into her pancakes and I still think she may not have caught on.  But the she looks up and says, “I don’t want a bike for my birthday.” FAIL!

I figured the surprise was ruined but we all just carried on eating our pancakes and pretending like that conversation never happened.  We finished breakfast, I gave the girls baths and got them dressed.  Then Scott went down and got the bike.  When Brinley saw it, she was really excited.  It was the exact one that she had picked out and she hopped right on it and started riding it in the house!

So I guess the surprise wasn’t ruined after all. Only a two year old to could try to ruin a surprise and fail!

Walking Commercial

I’m not one of those parents who forbids their children to watch TV.  I loved watching cartoons as a kid and can’t imagine keeping that joy from my kids.  But let me be clear, we don’t have the TV on at all hours of the day so the girls can just go and stare at it and rot their brains either.  In fact, we don’t even have a TV in our living room or playroom.  We have two sets – a large one with surround sound in the family room/basement and a small one in our bedroom.  In a given day the girls probably watch one hour of TV and sometimes none at all.  (Correction: Brinley watches the TV, Nora runs around the room disturbing her.)

Anyway, up until about two moths ago we were a strictly PBS or Disney Jr watching family.  I wasn’t opposed to other shows, it’s just that the girls would always ask for George, Elmo, Mickey, Jake or Angelina.  In fact, Scott and I were the ones to try to broaden their TV watching scope to include Wonder Pets, Wild Kratts and eventually Strawberry Shortcake, Pound Puppies and My Little Pony.  Thanks to a nifty little invention called DVR we just queued up a bunch of said shows for our kids evening viewing pleasure.  Brinley loves the new shows in her repertoire.  However, after sitting down with her and watching some of these shows Scott and I make the executive decision to remove Pound Puppies from the line-up.  The show is just crap basically.  It has no real message and seems to clearly just be a “brain rot” type of show.  I don’t think Brinley has yet noticed that we’ve nixed it and hopefully she won’t.

But on to the original point of this post – PBS and Disney Jr shows do not contain commercial advertisements.  They simply air the show and when it’s over we’d turn the TV off therefore missing any commercial breaks in between shows.  Enter “The HUB”, the channel that airs My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake and the dreaded Pound Puppies.  These shows all contain commercials.  At first I thought it would be a pain having to go in and fast forward through all of them so that Brinley would stay interested but I was wrong.  The kids LOVES the commercials.  I think it’s because she’s getting to see a whole lot of (mostly crappy) products that she’d never otherwise see.

Case in point – Pajama Jeans!  Why on Earth this infomercial airs during a kids TV show is beyond me, but you can bet your money that Brinley has become their youngest spokesperson.  A few weeks ago we were shopping in a clothing store and she said to me, “Look mom, Pajama Jeans!” (They were actually jeggings, but I let it slide.)  I thought to myself, “How the heck does she know what those are?”  And she continued, “Mom, they have the look of jeans with the comfort of pajamas and they don’t leave any unsightly marks!” I couldn’t help but laugh as she proceeded to tell me that I should order a pair.

April Fools!

In honor of April Fool’s Day here are some of Brinley’s favorite jokes:

 

Q: What do you call the people who live next door to a horse?

A: Neeeiiigh-bors

************************************************************************

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dogs.

Dogs, who?

Dog’s don’t hoo, owls hoo!

***********************************************************************

Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit?

A: Boo-berries

**********************************************************************

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Yah.

Yah, who?

Are you surprised?

*********************************************************************

And when I say that these are some of her favorites, I mean she tells them over and over and over ad nauseum.  I have to laugh every single time or else I’ll hurt her feelings.  She thinks they’re hilarious every single time.  It reminds me of when I was a little girl and my grandfather would ask me, “Want to hear a dirty  joke?” and I’d say yes and he’d say “Two white horses fell in the mud.”  I’m pretty sure I had no idea why this was even funny back then but I laughed my head off every single time he said it.

How to save $104.91 at BJs

I probably make a BJs run about once every 6-8 weeks.  I stock up on things like paper towels, toilet paper, tissues, trash bags, diapers, wipes and bottled water.  If I have a coupon I’ll buy laundry detergent there as well as dishwasher tablets.  Occasionally there’s an impulse buy or two… like a cute rain coat or book for the girls or a Red Sox hoodie for me.  I definitely consider BJs one of my happy places.  I typically go on a week day morning and bring the girls.  We snack on the fee samples and I let them browse the toy and book isles.  It’s a good way to kill some time with kids.

Well this past weekend, I was about to use my last diaper and told Scott that I need to make a BJs run.  Since we didn’t have anything planned, we decided to go as a family {that means he was coming with us!}.  We also ventured to a new BJs.  We were already out shopping and figured we’d take a little adventure and check out a different location.  This store was brand spanking new AND it had a gas station which the one near us does not.

Anywho, we spent probably close to an hour in the store.  We had free samples of Annie’s Organic Gummy Fruit Snacks, bakery cup cakes, and Russell Stover’s Sugar Free Chocolates.  The girls played “in the cart, out of the cart” and sat in one of those humongous camping chairs {have you ever seen one?}.  A good time was had by all.

We eventually made our way to the check-out at which point Scott had to run to the little boys room.  I put everything up on the conveyor and watched the cashier scan everything through.  Scott walked back from the bathroom just as the cashier announced the total… $228.34.  He looked at me, I looked at him and then I handed the cashier my card.  I can’t remember the last time I spent more than $150 at BJs.  So, what on earth could have happened this time?  I brought my husband!

Keep in mind, before we went into the store, Scott said to me, “We only need diapers, right?”  I said yes, and probably some tissues and water.  So what did he add to the cart?  A dry-fit running shirt for $14.99, a 12 pack of bakery muffins for $6.95, a 3 pack of boxer shorts for $22, a 16 pack of Gillette Fusion razor blades for $42.99, and two packages of batteries for $8.99 each, for a grand total of $104.91.

Next time I go to BJs I’m leaving my husband at home!

What Not to Wear – Gym Edition

When I get ready to exercise I always change out of my every day clothes and into something more flexible, comfortable and absorbent {for the sweat}.  I can’t imagine working out in, say, jeans or a polo shirt or work boots.  My typical gym outfit consists of a sports bra, a dry-fit type shirt, a light weight fleece, yoga type pants, athletic socks and sneakers.  It takes me maybe 3 minutes to get into said outfit.

After going to the gym three days a week for the past month, I’ve found that not everyone feels the need to dress the way I do for working out.  In the past three weeks, I have seen. it. all.  I try to avoid letting my jaw hit the floor when I see people dressed inappropriately for the gym, but sometimes it’s pretty difficult.  Let me give you a rundown on some of the outfits I have seen:

1) Wear Your Work Clothes to the Gym – This is much more common than I would have ever thought.  There are no less than two people on any given day that I’m at the gym dressed like they’ve just come from work.  And they probably have done just that.  I’m talking about button down oxford type shirts, khaki pants, dress socks and even a belt!  This can not possibly be a comfortable outfit to work out in.  I’m guessing that these people are in some sort of rush or maybe they forgot to pack a gym bag.  Whatever the case may be, it’s ridiculous.  Do these people NOT see everyone else around them dressed in gym attire?

2) I’m Going Clubbing After I Workout – and apparently I don’t have time to change before I head out.  I’ve seen numerous young (mostly teenage or early twenties) girls wearing skin tight leggings and glitter/sequin type tank tops while on the elliptical.  They usually have on full jewelry – earrings, necklaces, rings – and full make up – sparkly eye shadow, eye liner, lipstick, manicured nails.  They usually have their hair down and it’s perfectly straightened and highlighted. I know they’re only there to socialize and scope out guys because I’ve never seen them break a sweat and they always work out in packs.  I’ve yet to see one of these girls in heels or FMBs but I wouldn’t put it past them!

3) I Can’t Afford a Gym Wardrobe So I Stopped at Goodwill – While I totally agree that the gym is not a fashion show (see I’m Going Clubbing After I Workout), I don’t think that means you should show up looking homeless (unless, in fact, you are and in which case, what are you doing at the gym?).  Anyway, these gym-goers usually have on a T-shirt that is at least 3 sizes too big for them adorned with food and armpit stains.  They have on shorts that are either much to big or much too small and a pair of LA Gears circa 1984.  I’m sure their Sony Walkman is playing the soundtrack from Richard Simmon’s Sweating to the Oldies.

4) Oh, I Thought I Was Going to Gang Initiation – These are the guys.  You know the ones.  They show up in jeans, usually very baggy and sometimes covered in metallic designs.  They have on their best work boots, a knit hat and an oversized hoodie.  They make eye contact with no one and wear those huge headphones.  They don’t go near the cardio equipment and gather in groups near the free weights.  Don’t even think about trying to work in a set when they’re around.

It completely amazes me to see what people will wear to the gym.  I think it’s crazy but it’s also a bit entertaining. And don’t even get me started on the things that people DO while they’re working out.  I’ll save that for another post.

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