I met my husband when I was 19.  I was a freshman in college.  Of course at that time, I didn’t know he’d be my husband.  That was almost 12 years ago!  We continued to date throughout college, he graduated, got a “real” job, I graduated, got a “real” job, and then we moved in together.  Within a year we were engaged.  After a year and a half engagement, we were married.  A little over a year after that, our first child, Brinley, was born.  I’ll save you time from doing the math… I was engaged at 23, married at 24 and had my first baby at 25.  Sometimes I’d hear that I was so young or moving too fast, but I never let that bother me.

Now, nearly 12 years after meeting my husband, Scott, I am happily married, have two beautiful daughters and pretty much living the life I always imagined.  My older daughter is in Kindergarten this year.  She’s involved in a slew of activities outside of school.  I’ve met lots of other moms along my journey and I wonder how Brinley perceives us all.  Does she just think we’re all old?  Does she think we’re all the same age?  I know for a fact that she has friends who’s parents are almost 20 years older than I am.  She also has friends who’s parents are younger than I am, though not by much.  I’d agree that I’m probably one of the younger moms but that doesn’t seem to have any effect on my relationships with other moms I meet, younger or older.

I hear quite a bit that I’m so young or just getting started but other than some years, I have a lot in common with the moms that are 5, 10 and even 20 years older than me.  We all have kids the same age and that is the equalizer.  Our age… it’s nothing but a number.

Now it’s back to the grind.  And honestly, I’m not complaining about this lifestyle either.  Things do seem to operate with more ease when there is routine.  Especially with an almost five year old and a two year old running around the house.  Our daily scheules will be filled with playgroup, dance classes, gymnastics, soccer and a little thing called Kindergarten.

Brinley’s first day was last week and she had been counting down the days for almost a month.  She absolutely loves school and could not wait for the first day to arrive.  I knew she’d do fine in school and that she’d be happy and make friends.  My issue was with the bus.  It just felt so wrong to be sending this little person off on a big yellow bus with no car seat or seat belt driven by a man who I had never before met.  When the bus pulled up that first day I had a huge pit in my stomach and seriously felt like I was going to throw up.  But I stayed strong and didn’t let her see my fear.  When the bus stopped she marched right up the stairs, walked to a seat and sat down never once looking back to us.  As they pulled away I felt my throat get tight as my husband signed “Oh man”.  That may have been the hardest thing I’ve had to do to date.

Today is her third day of school and everything is going perfect.  Though it’s hard to pry out of her what she does all day, I know she’s enjoying it.  When she wakes up in the morning she wants to get dressed right away and has a very hard time waiting for the bus to come.  Since she’s in afternoon kindergarten, the bus doesn’t come until almost noon.  It’s going to be hard to distract her in the morning until she switches in January.

So that’s basically what’s been going on with us.  I’m going to try to get back on track with the blog as I know there are many who enjoy reading about our lives.   What’s new with you?  Any big changes for your family this year?

Oh and in January, I registered my little girl for Kindergarten.  Seriously, I feel like I just brought her home from the hospital and she’s going to be starting real school in September?  Yikes!  Sometimes I feel like her four and a half years of life have just passed me by.  My little baby has become a real little girl.  She’s reading!  She dresses herself every single day {sometimes much to my dismay} and we actually have real conversations.

And my baby?  Well, she turned two on Sunday.  She’s not a baby anymore!  She can do just about anything {or at least she’ll try to}.  Walking, talking, running, jumping, you name it – she does it.  Her language amazes me.  Full sentences is an understatement.  She speaks in paragraphs.  She knows what she wants and asks for it.  She idolizes her big sister and for the most part they get along really well.

My house is free of baby swings and bottles.  In their place are ballet slippers and soccer cleats.  Gone are the days of walks in the stroller and easily being able to entertain my kids.  Now I’m scheduling play dates and preparing for dance recitals.  My kids prefer playing with each other or their friends over playing with me.

It’s crazy how quickly time passes, how fast we change and how easily we overlook certain things.  Sometimes I wish I could relive the past 5 years of my life.  So much has happened and I want to remember it all all over again.  But as the days continue to go by I look forward to the future and to all of the great things that are yet to come.

I say this with mixed emotions.  Most of me is completely hating the rain right now, but the homeowner, lawn owner part of my really likes it.  It means our near lifeless grass which we’ve watered (according to the water ban) with no avail, is now getting a grand old drink and beginning to look green again.  But this is day four of rain and the girls and I are beginning to go stir crazy.

Over two of the past four days we’ve visited malls.  And apparently so did everyone else.  They were both crowded and filled to the brim with kids of all ages.  We got some shopping done and had some delicious lunches in the foot court, but we also had some too close encounters in the play areas.  See, I’m used to going to the mall in the winter during the week when there is no one there except for me, some old ladies, and a few other SAHMs.  So, going to the mall int he summer when school is not yet back in session is a whole ‘nother beast!

Our mall’s play area looks a lot like this one:

It has a little club house with a slide and a tunnel and then 2 or 3 other climb in/sit in play structures.  The flooring is soft and it’s enclosed with benches.  The sign at the entrance specifically states that the area is for children under 42 inches tall and that children must be supervised by a parent/adult at all times.  However, no one mans the entrance or makes sure that people abide by these rules.

So, on Monday, we ate lunch and then hit up the play area.  It was teeming with children of all ages and heights.  I knew it wasn’t going to be an enjoyable time.  Just as I was about to scoop the girls back up and leave, a boy, probably 8 or 9 years old and well over 42 inches tall, clotheslined Brinley and she fell to the ground.  He kept right on running.  No one stopped him or came over to see if my kids was ok.  I took the girls out and went over to the “Member Services” booth.  I asked the lady working there if anyone checked up on the play area to make sure that people were playing by the rules.  She was very nice and said not typically but that if I had a problem that she could call the security guard over.  I said yes, please and left the area to do some shopping.  When we returned to the play area it was much more calm and the girls got to play for a little bit.

Today, we went to a mall again (I know, I know but sometimes you just gotta get out of the house!).  Again, this mall was crowded but I expected it after seeing the mall on Monday.  We did a little shopping and then went to have lunch.  After lunch we went to this mall’s play area which is almost identical to the other one.  It was pretty crowded but most of the kids seemed like they belonged there.  I decided to assume the role of “play area police” today.  I wasn’t mean or rude, but I stood watch near the slide for a bit.  Kids have a hard time waiting in line for the slide and I was simply there to help them remember to take turns.  (I was also watching out for Nora as she climbed the stairs.)  So anyway, Nora made her way up the stairs and then down the slide.  Once she got to the bottom she was so proud.  She stood up and started clapping.  Within a fraction of a second, one of the too big kids ran by her and stiff armed her to the face.  She fell and he kept right on running.

Now if Brinley, who is almost four, gets bumped into a little too roughly I usually let her work it out and things are fine.  But it’s a different story when a 7 year old boy stiff arms your 15 month old daughter to the face.  So, I did what any other mean concerned mother would do.  I stopped the boy and told him that he should slow down and watch where he was going.  I reminded him that the play area was for small children and that if he was going to play here he really had to be careful.  He apologized.  I’m not sure where his parents were but within a minute or two he was gone from the play area.  I win!

So, yes, I’m THAT mom.  I refuse to stand idly by and watch my sweet little bruiser girl get stiff armed to the face by a boy who is clearly too big for the play area.  I just wish some parents would be more responsible.  I know the day will come when my girls are just on the cusp of being too big to go in the play area.  They’ll beg to go in and I’ll have to tell them no.  Rules are rules.  And they’re there for a reason. ::Stepping down from my soapbox::

You see, on Thursday Brinley asked me if she could have a sleep over at Mimi’s (my mom’s) house.  I’m not sure if the idea originated in Brinley’s mind or Mimi’s but that’s a moot point.  She’s slept there a few times before when Mimi was babysitting but this was the first time she had asked to sleep over just for fun.  After running the idea by Scott, I said that it was ok.  We were already out shopping with Mimi when the idea came about and it made no sense for me to go back home and get her an overnight bag so we did what any bargain shopping mom would do – we went to the clearance rack at Kohls.  After picking out some princess pajamas and an outfit for the next day we made a pit stop at the car to get her some underwear (I always keep a few spare pairs there in case of an accident).  And Mimi has a toothbrush for Brinley at her house.

So we left the store and I took Nora while Brinley went with Mimi in her car (she has a carseat in Mimi’s car too) and off we went our separate ways.  When I got home, Nora was ready for a nap.  I put her in her crib and felt almost at a loss for what to do.  Usually when she’s napping I spend alone time with Brinley playing games or doing things that Nora makes impossible.  But I didn’t have to do any of that.  So what did I do?  I cleaned the kitchen and swept the floors and did some laundry – boooooooring!  Then I caught up on some blog reading while waiting for Scott to get home from work.

When Nora woke up from her nap, we played and I made her dinner.  She was a joy.  She never whined or cried or screamed.  When Scott got home from work we hung out, just the three of us.  Now of course we missed Brinley but it was really nice to spend some quality alone time with just Nora.  We put her to bed and then watched some TV.  She slept until 8:45am!  When she woke up we brought her in to bed with us.  Then we all got up and had breakfast.  She was a peach the entire time.

This made me realize something.  Nora gets a bad wrap.  And it’s because of Brinley.  They’re both amazing, wonderful, smart kids but when they’re together they get on each others nerves and often bring out the bad side in one another.  Nora is always getting into Brinley’s projects and Brinley is always touching and taunting Nora unnecessarily.  Good ol’ sibling rivalry.  Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of times when they’re loving on each other and playing really well, but those seem to be overshadowed by the times when they’re annoying each other.

It was really awesome to be able to focus on just one child for a little while.  Brinley had our undivided attention for 2 years and 8 months before Nora came into our lives.  Nora has never had our undivided attention.  I realize that is what happens when you have more than one child but it makes me feel a little bit bad for Nora.  It will be nice when Brinley is in school this fall three mornings a week and I get to spend some one-on-one time with Nora.  I’m sure she’s going to love it!

Ok maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration but that’s certainly what it felt like!  I’m not a huge fan of the beach to begin with so this left me a little bit uneasy.  In between shaking sand out of my bathing suit bottom and cleaning sand off of the kids’ cups (hands, mouths, food, towels) I spent just about every other minute of the day making sure that I could see both of the girls.  We had a lot of family members around us so I always felt sure that someone had an eye on each of them at any given time, but if I couldn’t see them, it made me a little nervous.

Well, after we had been there for about 3 or so hours, I got more comfortable in the setting and everyone was having a great time.  And then a woman approached us.  She was a bit frantic looking.  She started hollering to anyone who would listen, “A six year old boy is missing.  His name is Shane.  He’s wearing a camouflaged bathing suit.”  My heart immediately began pounding at the thought of someone’s child missing on a very crowded beach.  A parent’s worse nightmare.  I made sure everyone that I was with knew what the woman said and then I stood up and started scanning the crowd.  My heart would start racing even faster (if that’s even possible) and then I’d immediately look to both of my girls making sure they were right there with us.  If I couldn’t find them for a second, my throat began to feel a little tight.

The woman continued to walk up the beach making her announcement.  Then she saw some police officers standing at the top of the sea wall.  She climbed up the very uneven, sand covered, concrete stairs to talk with them.  They radioed the message to other officers and the woman descended the stairs.  And fell.  This scene was totally upsetting.  She hit her head on the stairs when she fell.  So now not only was she searching for her (I’m guessing) grandson who was missing on the crowded beach, but she was being taken away on a stretcher to the hospital.  I felt like I was going to throw up just thinking of it.

Well, I won’t leave you with a sense of panic.  Instead, I will leave you relieved.  Not minutes after the woman was taken away the little boy was found by his family.  The woman was fine and just required a stitch or two to close her wound.  But this will forever leave a mark with me.  I will never lose sight of my children in a crowd.  I will never become complacent where I think “that will never happen to me”.  It can happen to anyone.  Be vigilant.  Keep your eyes and the eyes of anyone who is with you on your kids at all times.

I don’t want to overdo it with scheduling activities for her because she’s still so young and I want her to have plenty of time to be a kid and play with her toys and enjoy the freedom of choosing what to do and when.  But I also don’t want her to miss out on anything or to be late in starting certain sports or activities when other kids may already be doing them.  I’m looking for that perfect happy medium but I’m just not sure what it is.  And it’s probably different for every kid/family and that’s what makes it so difficult to decide.

It seems I’m always hearing about parents who over schedule their children with activities.  They’re in swimming, gymnastics, dance, soccer, T-ball, piano lessons AND Girl Scouts on top of going to school.  To me that just seems like too much.  It doesn’t leave any room for spur of the moment plans during the week or time for visits to friends and family or even time to just play at home.  And can the kid really get good at all of those things at once?  I agree that it’s good to expose your kids to many different activities so that they know what is available to them, but how many of those things should they participate in at once?

Brinley will go to school three days a week in the fall.  We’ll sign her up for ballet which will be 45 minutes per week and I’ve decided to sign her up for soccer.  When I initially asked her about soccer she was very excited, but each time that I bring it up with her, she changes her mind.  I’m not going to un-register her, we’ll just see what happens in the fall.  Maybe she’ll love it, maybe she won’t.  When soccer season is over, we’ll look for another activity to replace it and maybe add something else.  I just don’t want to be a slave to my four year old’s (I can’t believe she’s almost 4!) schedule and have to be driving around everywhere all the time.  I also think it’s unfair to Nora (younger siblings) to be carted around all day to their older siblings’ activities.

What’s your take on all of this?  Is it better for the kids to do more and keep busy or just stick with two or three things and have some freedom?  What is your happy medium?  What activities has your four year old loved?

Yup, my babysitter is the TV.  It’s not what you think though.  I don’t put my kid in front of the TV for hours on end so I can take a nap or play on the computer.  The reason I use my TV is a babysitter is because there is just no way I’d be able to do some certain thing otherwise.  Like taking a shower for example.  Sure I could get up super early and shower before my husband leaves for work (and sometimes I do), or I could take a shower at night when the kids are already in bed.  The problem there is that I NEED to shower in order to wake up and start the day.  Night showers don’t work for me.  What has worked out perfectly for me for quite sometime now is this:  Nora naps at 10am (give or take) every morning.  This is my optimal time to shower.  There is virtually no way that I could leave her unattended while I shower, even if it were for 2 minutes.  She’s a tornado.  So, she’s napping and then there’s Brinley.  Sure she’d sit and read a book or color or something, but that is pretty short lived without her wanting me to read with her or her wanting to show me her artwork.  And I don’t want to risk her running down the hall looking for me and waking Nora.  So, here is where the babysitter comes in.  Brinley would sit in front of the TV for the entire day if I allowed her to (which I definitely do not).  It’s great because I know that she’ll sit there and watch a show while Nora is napping peacefully and I can get in a nice, quality shower and get dressed without a child pulling at my leg or screaming.

Aside from this time, we never have the TV on unless Brinley is watching a special movie or something with daddy at night.  Nora has zero interest in the babysitter right now.  So, I know you’re never supposed to use the TV as a babysitter, but sometimes there are exceptions to be made.  Either that, or I’m just a bad mom.

I remember being a little girl and always dreaming of growing up, getting married, and becoming a mom.  Whenever I thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always pictured having a house, a husband, and kids.  Sure, I wanted to go to college and have a career to some extent.  But even my career choice (teacher) was in line with my real life plans.  I knew that becoming a teacher would allow me to be around kids even though they weren’t my own.  Even when I was in college I was a part time nanny and during the summers I was a camp counselor.  So, really, my life revolved around kids even before I was a mom.  I know what you’re probably thinking:  being around kids isn’t the same as having your own kids.  And you’re 100% right.

But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t ready for motherhood when the time came.  It doesn’t mean that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.  I am fortunate to come from a large family with lots of cousins.  I’m the second oldest in the brood.  I remember most of my cousins being born and I babysat almost all of them.  We all lived in the same town and were all very close.  I’m also eight years older than my younger sister (who just turned 21 by the way, crazy!).  So, I had a lot of experience being in the presence of newborns and watching babies grow.  But again, they weren’t my children.

My point, though, is that I was aware of what motherhood would bring even before I was a mother myself.  I knew there would be sleepless nights, and spit up, and dirty diaper blow outs.  It never deterred me from my dream.  It might sound crazy, but all of those things made me want to be a mother even more.  I was ready for the challenge and eager to take it on with all I had.  Everyone who knows me well can tell you that throughout my late teens, college years, and in the years before I got married, I just wanted to get to the point in my life where I was a mother.

Now that I am here, I can honestly say that it is everything I had hoped for in life, and more.  I love being a mother and a wife and my family is my life.  Everything that I do, I do it for them.  From cooking their meals to comforting them when they’re hurt; it brings me joy to provide for them and care for them.  That’s not to say that there are not mornings where I wish I could sleep in a little longer or nights when I wish I could just spontaneously go out for a movie and drink, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I don’t enjoy being puked on, or pooped on but strangely, I embrace it because I know that in time, it will all be a thing of the past.  I already miss the middle of the night feedings where it seemed like the baby and I were the only ones in the world awake.  I cherished those moments and they’re gone now.

I don’t miss my former self.  I look back on my pre-motherhood years fondly but I wouldn’t go back to them if I had the chance.  I liked school and learning, but I don’t miss the partying, clubbing or any of it at all.  It was just never my thing.  I can honestly say that I am exactly where I want to be in life and it exceeds my expectations daily.

I’m not sure if there are a lot of other mother’s who share my feelings on this, but I am sure that there are some.  I’m no June Cleaver and I don’t claim to be.  I make mistakes, I get angry and frustrated like the best of you.  I’m not a perfect mother and there are many things that I’ve yet to learn.  There have been many and there will be plenty more unexpected situations that arise for me as a mother, but for the most part, everything is falling right in to place.

First you have your basic this or that decisions: breast or bottle, cloth or disposable, yadda yadda.  If you’ve read this post then you know which choices I made but you also know that I think everyone deserves the right to make their own decision based on their situation and lifestyle.  Anyway, not every decision is going to be as easy as a this or that. Take the pacifier for example.  When is the best time to take it away?  Or potty trianing.  When should you start?  And what about moving your toddler into a bed?  The answer to these questions – it depends.

It depends on your child and it depends on your situation and lifestyle.  Sure you’re going to look for advice from professionals and other parents.  But none of them will be able to give you a definitive answer to these types of questions.  (If they try to then they obviously don’t know anything about parenting).

Before I had kids, I thought that I knew everything there was to know about the little brats cherubs.  Boy was I wrong.  Sure I was a teacher and a nanny and I had been a camp counselor for years.  But none of those children were mine.  I didn’t have to make any of the hard decisions with regard to them.  Even now that I am a parent, I don’t know everything about raising kids.  I think I’m doing a pretty darn good job at raising my own, but hand me someone else and I’ll likely be stumped in some ways.  Oh and don’t think that just because something worked flawlessly for one of your children that it’s going to work for the others.  If you’re lucky it might, but chances are, it won’t.

What do you think are some of the more difficult decisions that you’ve had to make as a parent?  Where do you turn for advice in helping you decide?