Archive for April, 2010
Mom guilt and Second Child Syndrome.
Apr 8th
This little girl is turning one in three and a half weeks. I have no idea how that happened (that’s for another post) but I’m feeling super mom guilt. No one is making me feel guilty except for myself, but it doesn’t matter, I still feel it. Why? Because she is suffering from Second Child Syndrome to the fullest extent. If you’re not aware of SCS let me give you a brief description. SCS is the phenomenon where second born children are unintentionally treated unfairly in comparison to their first born sibling. For example, I’m sure most of you are guilty of taking fewer photos of your second born child. (If you’re not, then kudos to you!) There is no one to blame for this and it’s absolutely unintentional, however, it just seems to happen.
Before Nora was born I swore up and down that she would receive the same level of attention in all aspects of her life that Brinley did. I promised myself that we’d take as many pictures of her, be just as excited about all of her firsts, and shower her with as many “oohs and aahs” as we did with Brinley But, let’s be realistic, none of that happened. It wasn’t on purpose, but there is just no way that you can devote the same level of attention to a second child when you still have the first one to care for. Your time is now divided. Unless you have the ability to clone yourself or cut yourself in half (in which case, can you please share your secret) it is just not possible.
So, as Nora’s first birthday creeps closer by the day I realize that I have no devoted nearly as much time to thinking about or planning a party for her. I didn’t send out invitations, I used and Evite (I know, I know). I haven’t planned a menu. I haven’t picked out her present. I haven’t found her the perfect birthday dress. And I feel terrible about all of it. In my defense, we’re moving in ONE week and her birthday happens to fall on the 2nd weekend we’ll be in our new house. So, needless to say, I have a lot on my plate right now. I just hope that she won’t hate me when she’s all grown up. I promise that I love her just as equally as I love Brinley and I will gladly accept the Bad Mom Award for this one.
Please help me to not feel so guilty. What has caused you to feel mom guilt? How did you get over it? Or did you?
All the single ladies…
Apr 7th
Last week I was a single lady. From early Monday morning until late Friday night, Scott was in California for a work conference (the O’Reilly Where 2.0 Conference for those who care). He asked me before he left not to “tweet” or post about being home alone because he’s overprotective of his girls and didn’t want anyone to know that he was all the way across the country from us.
Anyway, after being home alone with the girls for five whole days I’ve realized that I could never, ever, ever be a single mother, or a pilot’s wife, or a military wife, or any other woman with children who’s man is away from them for extended periods of time. I mean I’m a stay at home mom and it’s a lot of work in itself. But to not have that relief at the end of the day where your husband comes home to give you five minutes of alone time is just plain hard! It’s even harder when your kids are constantly asking when their daddy is going to be home. Let’s face it, dad is the best and mom can’t take his place. So when daddy is the one who puts you to bed every night and let’s you climb all over him and he’s gone for a whole week, it can get hairy.
I almost started talking to myself at night. Well not really, but I’m so used to having Scott here to talk my ear off after the girls go to bed and I lived in near silence for the week (well of course I watched TV, but it’s not the same). We had our share of phone calls and Skype convos but due to the time difference it was just hard to find the time to talk. Though one night we did manage to get all four of us on the computer for a chat. Brinley loved seeing her daddy but kept asking him to come home. It must be so hard for her to realize how far away California is. And Nora? Well she thought she could just go right through the computer screen to have daddy hold her. It was pretty comical.
You want to know what else is hard about being a single lady? Meals. How do you plan for your meals when you’re cooking for one? It’s so hard for me. I can’t see the point in cooking a big meal for myself when there won’t be anyone else to enjoy it with. Brinley is the world’s pickiest eater so it’s not like she was going to share it with me. Nora may have eaten some of it, but not enough to make it worth my while. So what did I do? Well one night I had a bowl of cereal, one night I ordered a pizza, one night I went to my mom’s for dinner and one night, well, I just didn’t eat dinner (I had beer and pretzels).
So all you women out there who have absent husbands (at times or all the time), you amaze me. It’s hard. Yes I do most of the child rearing and household chores, but my husband provides me with that little bit of relief at night and also with some adult interaction. I am not looking forward to his next trip!
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis.
Apr 5th
So it’s Monday. That means today is the day that I start eating better and make an attempt to work out more again. Last week I posted about how well I had been doing for a few months and how I lost about 15 pounds. But then I stopped working out for various reasons and had started gaining the weight back, ugh!
Well, it’s starting to get warmer around these parts which means people are wearing less clothing and I can no longer hide my body under bulky, warm clothing. The short sleeves, capris, sandals and eventually (eek!) bathing suits will be making their way out of hiding and back on to my body so I’m hoping to have a better looking body to put them on. I went the entire summer last year without putting on a bathing suit. (Cut me some slack, I had just given birth in May.) But I’m hoping to be able to wear one with (some) confidence this year.
This is NOT going to be an easy task as we’re moving in nine days and still have just about our entire house to pack. But I’m going to stop making excuses. Even if I don’t get the work outs in as often as I’d like, I can make a good start by eating better. Bye bye pizza, ice cream and cookies! A minute on my lips is not worth the months and months you’ll spend on my hips (and every other body area)!
I’d love to hear about any good, healthy snacks that you love that are quick and easy and can be eaten on the go. My biggest problem is being away from the house and becoming starving and grabbing a not so healthy snack. I’d like to stock my pantry with things that I can throw in the diaper bag and grab while out that will satisfy me.
I have a theory…
Apr 2nd
. . . about certain toys. Certain toys seem to multiply over night. I’m not sure exactly how this happens, but I know it must be true. I just wish there was some way that I could prove it. We all know that when us humans go to sleep at night or when we’re not looking, all of our kids toys come out to play, right? I’m sure you’ve seen Toy Story. So I am not sure what they happen to be doing in our house, but they seem to multiply, and I don’t want to know how!
This problem exists specifically with two types of toys in our house. The miniature figurines and stuffed animals. I really have no idea where all of these things come from because I know that I don’t buy them. They’re not the type of toys that I tend to buy for my kids. These are the types of toys that make their way into your home via a kids meal or a cereal box or as a souvenir gift from a well meaning relative. So if we rarely eat fast food, don’t buy kids cereal and don’t have many traveling family member, how do we end up with all of this stuff?!
You may think that I’m overreacting a bit here about just how many of these toys we have. So let me provide you with a visual. Here you have Exhibit A – the miniature figurines:
This box contains Disney movie characters, Dora characters, a full set of 12 miniature horses, a collection of animals from Australia, the full cast of Little Einsteins, a few kids meal toys and a partridge in a pear tree! I have no idea where all of these things came from. I can remember buying maybe one or two of them, but there has got to be at least 100 pieces in this box. These figurines don’t get played with all that much. But when they do they usually end up in little parades all around the house which look something like this:
Now I must admit, the little characters aren’t that big of a problem because for the most part they can be crammed into a reasonable size box and stored until it’s time for another parade. The bigger toy problem that we have in our house is with stuffed animals. Don’t get me wrong, I was definitely know to have my share of them. Even in high school and college (ok and even beyond that) I had many that I loved and would put on my bed after it was made (but I never have time to make my bed anymore). I had stuffed dalmatians, a Winnie the Pooh and a few Care Bears. Some of these have been taken over by my daughter and were added to her already large collection. The reason that stuffed animals are such a problem is because they’re big and bulky. Where did they all come from you might ask? Well, I blame a few places for our overabundance of these fluff filled critters: parades, fairs and Kohl’s department store (you know, the Kohl’s Cares for Kids $5 stuffed animals that they place right next to the cash registers and your kid begs for as you are on the way through the check out?).
Anyway, there is just no easy way to clean them up and make them look neat. Right now we have them stuffed into a toy box. I took everything else out of the toy box so I could hide the stuffed friends in there. Out of sight, out of mind right? I give you Exhibit B:
The toy box has become so stuffed that the lid barely closes anymore, yet there are still stuffed animals all over the house. Last weekend I started packing up some of the toys to get ready for our move and the only reasonable way we could think of to “pack” the stuffed animals was to pile them all into a huge trash bag. There are two possible things that can happen with this trash bag, 1) it’s lucky and makes it’s way to our new house, or 2) it somehow finds it’s way into the dumpster. Can you guess which one I’d choose? 
We’ve all had these days, right?
Apr 1st
You know those days when you just don’t feel like looking anyone in the face? The days you just want to either lay in bed and do nothing or sit on the couch and watch crap on TV while you eat junk? The days you just have no motivation to do anything? The days that you call in sick to work even though you’re really not sick, you just can’t imagine going? You decide to take a sick day for “mental health” reasons and then just spend the day vegging out at home. Alone. We’ve all had these days, right?
Well, I think that the hardest part about being a stay-at-home-mom is that fact that I can’t do that. I can’t call in sick and just veg out on the couch on the days that I just don’t feel like seeing anyone or doing anything. My bosses count on me to show up every day and fulfill all of my duties. Their lives depend on me. I have to get out of bed. I have to make breakfast. I have to change diapers. I have to play dress up. I have to color. I have to clean up spills. Even if I don’t want to.
Once in a while I want to be sitting on my couch with my feet up in the middle of the day without having to prepare someone’s lunch or read someone a story. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change being a stay-at-home-mom for anything in the world, but I still have those days. And I know I’m not alone.
So what’s a busy, stressed out, tired mom to do on a days like these?
Something that helps me get out of bed on such mornings is taking a minute to think about why I have to. My children need me. I’m their mother and that means I can’t call in sick. No matter how tired or lazy I am feeling, I can’t let them feel the brunt of it. They need me and that’s a very empowering thing. So I get up and (try to) put a smile on my face and start the day. Usually on a day like this I’ll try to do something extra fun like go to a park, or the library, or take the girls out to lunch. It brings me joy to see them happy and having fun and sometimes that is all I need to brighten up my day!
