Mom guilt and Second Child Syndrome.
This little girl is turning one in three and a half weeks. I have no idea how that happened (that’s for another post) but I’m feeling super mom guilt. No one is making me feel guilty except for myself, but it doesn’t matter, I still feel it. Why? Because she is suffering from Second Child Syndrome to the fullest extent. If you’re not aware of SCS let me give you a brief description. SCS is the phenomenon where second born children are unintentionally treated unfairly in comparison to their first born sibling. For example, I’m sure most of you are guilty of taking fewer photos of your second born child. (If you’re not, then kudos to you!) There is no one to blame for this and it’s absolutely unintentional, however, it just seems to happen.
Before Nora was born I swore up and down that she would receive the same level of attention in all aspects of her life that Brinley did. I promised myself that we’d take as many pictures of her, be just as excited about all of her firsts, and shower her with as many “oohs and aahs” as we did with Brinley But, let’s be realistic, none of that happened. It wasn’t on purpose, but there is just no way that you can devote the same level of attention to a second child when you still have the first one to care for. Your time is now divided. Unless you have the ability to clone yourself or cut yourself in half (in which case, can you please share your secret) it is just not possible.
So, as Nora’s first birthday creeps closer by the day I realize that I have no devoted nearly as much time to thinking about or planning a party for her. I didn’t send out invitations, I used and Evite (I know, I know). I haven’t planned a menu. I haven’t picked out her present. I haven’t found her the perfect birthday dress. And I feel terrible about all of it. In my defense, we’re moving in ONE week and her birthday happens to fall on the 2nd weekend we’ll be in our new house. So, needless to say, I have a lot on my plate right now. I just hope that she won’t hate me when she’s all grown up. I promise that I love her just as equally as I love Brinley and I will gladly accept the Bad Mom Award for this one.
Please help me to not feel so guilty. What has caused you to feel mom guilt? How did you get over it? Or did you?




about 2 years ago
Yeah, I have the guilt. But, I have it both ways. My older child is barely 14 months. He’s missing out on being the only child and getting that special attention for a few years. My twins? (yeah there’s two!) they are only a month old but I know they lose a ton because Hudson is a 14 month old getting into a ton. The only real time I get with them is after my older son is asleep and my husband has been fed! I JUST ordered baby books for the twins yesterday! I already don’t have milestone dates for a few little things that would have already been in my older son’s book.
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Kristin Reply:
April 8th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Well I guess you’ve got me beat! My first daughter’s baby book is filled out to the max. She has birthday invitations, pictures, milestones, you name it. But poor Nora won’t have a first birthday invitation in hers (unless I print out the evite). I just don’t want the girls bickering about who was loved more when they’re older. It sounds silly but siblings do it all the time. I’m guilty of it!
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about 2 years ago
We are so hard on ourselves as Mothers! I am guilty of being hard on myself. I guess for me I try to focus on the bigger picture. When my children are older are they going to remember their 1st birthday party and how much time i spent planning it or will they remember all the fun ‘stress free’ times we had together? I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about. You are doing a wonderful job and things wont always be so crazy! Things will calm down, your kids will get older and you will find the perfect swing and balance … eventually
Devan @ Accustomed Chaos
http://accustomedchaos.blogspot.com
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