Archive for March, 2010

I’m not a Judgy McJudgerson.

Bearing the cloak of motherhood places you in situations that you would never otherwise be in.  Moms are faced with decisions every day and must choose to do ‘this’ or ‘that’.  Most times, there is no happy medium.  As soon as that line appears on the pregnancy test, a soon to be mom must start making her decisions.  What kind of prenatal vitamins will I take?  Will I use a doula, a midwife, or just an OB?  How should I tell my husband that we’re pregnant?  And the decisions don’t stop there… breast or bottle? co-sleep or not? cloth diapers or disposable? cry it out (CIO) or not? vaccinate on schedule or delay? when to introduce solids? And the list goes on and on and on…

The problem with all of these decisions is that once you make it, you immediately become a part of a group and are often labeled or stereotyped into a category.  This is something that I just can not stand.  Just as no two children are the same, no two mothers are the same.  I feel that moms make the choices that they make because they are 1) doing what they believe in and 2) doing what works best for their family.  I do not think that moms choose to do what they do because they want to “fit in” or be a part of a certain mothering clique.  However, after belonging to various parenting forums over the years, it’s quite obvious that even if you do not want to be labeled or stereotyped as a certain type of mom, you will be.

I’m not going to claim that I have all the answers or know the best way to do X, Y and Z.  But I do what is right for my children and my family.  Do I think that breastfeeding is important and the best start for a baby?  Yes, I do.  But I also understand that it’s not the best choice for everyone.  There are many reasons why it doesn’t work out and therefore I do not judge the way a mother feeds her child.  As long as the child is fed, I am happy.  Both of my daughters weaned to formula around 10 months.  It is what worked for us as a family.  Do I co-sleep?  No, I don’t.  Most times, sleep is the only time of the day that I get to spend alone with my husband.  I don’t want to be sharing my bed with yet another person.  I like sleep too much.  Both of my kids sleep great in their own spaces.  But I have no problem with people who do co-sleep either.  If it works best for them, then I say go for it.  My sentiments are the same for all of the big mommy decisions.  I do what I do because it works and it’s what is right for me yet I do not judge others who do the opposite.

I really wish that other moms felt the same way that I do about all of these decisions.  I’m glad there are different parenting “styles” because it gives moms options to do what is best for them.  I don’t think that just because a mom breastfeeds and uses cloth diapers that she is crunchy or granola.  Likewise, I don’t think that if a mom formula feeds and uses disposable diapers that she doesn’t love her children and hates the environment.  Live and let live!  Can’t we all just get along?

Killing two birds and something I learned.

I’ve always been somewhat of a book worm.  However, the volume of books that I read has drastically declined since the birth of my kids.  I simply don’t have enough time in my day to read.  I miss snuggling up on the couch with a good book while  Scott watches {insert the name of any meaningless man show here}.  There was a time that I could easily finish 2 or 3 novels in a week.  Aaah, how I miss those days.

Anyway, during a recent trip to BJ’s I was browsing through the books (mainly to look at kids stuff) and came across a few that caught my eye.  I made note of the titles and then requested them at my library.  When I was notified that they were in, I became anxious to find the time to read again.  But how was I going to make time in my day to do this?  Well, I decided that I’d kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.  I’ve been trying to make time in the day to get back into working out (which has fallen off my planner since around Christmas time, eek!).  So now, a few nights each week, I go down and get on the treadmill and instead of listening to my iPod or watching TV, I open a book.  Last night while I was walking and reading, Scott came down and tried to talk to me.  I shooed him away declaring this “alone time” for me.

The book that I’m currently reading is Between Here and April by Deborah Copaken Kogan.  I saw it that day in BJ’s and it looked like a good, quick, easy read.  I’m pretty drawn to stories about mothers, children, families, etc.  Here is a brief synopsis of the book taken from the book jacket:

When a deep-seated memory suddenly surfaces, Elizabeth Burns becomes obsessed with the long-ago disappearance of her childhood friend April Cassidy. Driven to investigate, Elizabeth discovers a thirty-five-year-old newspaper article revealing the details that had been hidden from her as a child—shocking revelations about April’s mother, Adele.

Elizabeth, now herself a mother, seeks out anyone who might help piece together the final months, days, and hours of this troubled woman’s life, but the answers yield only more questions. And those questions lead back to Elizabeth’s own life: her own compromised marriage, her increasing self-doubt and dissatisfaction, and finally, a fearsome reckoning with what it means to be a wife and mother.

I’m not going to attempt to write a book review here as I’m only half way through the book.  However, as I was reading last night I came across a shocking fact. (Yes, this is a book of fiction but after reading this “fact” I was compelled to look it up to see if it were actually true, and it is!)  This might be common knowledge to some, but I had no idea and was pretty surprised by it.

Did you know that Postpartum Depression was not recognized as a mental illness by the legal system until 1994?  A main theme in this book is PPD and it just amazed me to see how this was handled in the late 1960s and early 1970s. PPD isn’t something that was really on my radar until I was pregnant with my first child but even when I first became aware of it, I never would have imagined that the thoughts, feelings and emotions that some women go through after childbirth would have been completely discounted as recently as the 70s.

I’m anxious to finish the book to find out what happens.  It’s not really an engrossing read thus far, but it’s not something that I’m ready to abandon half way through either.  I’ll keep you posted!

How did this happen?

Who took away my baby and replaced her with this child??

She doesn’t look like a baby anymore! :-(   I can not believe how big she looks.  She’s walking all over the place, eating “real” food and just growing so much.  I feel like the past 10 and a half months have gone by so fast.  I feel like I was just in the hospital having her.  This is just craziness!

Oh and what about this one??

She has somehow transformed from my baby girl into this “kid”.  I have no idea how it happened.  Just last night Scott and I were looking at pictures of her first days of preschool this year, from September.  She looked like such a little baby in those pictures.  Since then she has completely lost her little baby face.  I can’t believe she is already three and a half (and she acts much older, most of the time).

It’s been quite a ride watching these two grow and I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I’m really sad that the baby days are behind us, but I’m extremely excited for what the future has to bring for both of them.

Three and a half going on 15.

My alarm went off at 7:15 this morning.  It’s a school day for Brinley which means no slugging around in our pajamas until 10:30.  So Scott goes up to get Nora as she’s happily babbling away in her crib and then he walks in to see Brinley.  Usually she sees him and wakes right up and starts running her high pitched mouth immediately (which wakes everyone else who was still half asleep right up as well).

Anyway, today Scott goes into her room.  She gives him one look then rolls over and pulls the covers up over her head!!  I manage to drag myself out of bed and go in to her room to see if she’ll wake up for me and she just continues to lay there with her eyes closed refusing to get out of bed.  Umm, Hello!! when did you turn into a teenager??

Brinley has always been an awesome sleeper.  She started sleeping through the night at six weeks old and has never strayed.  She usually sleeps until around 8am but occasionally sleeps later.  Like one day last week she slept until almost 10:30!!  That was crazy.  I thought it was a fluke thing until she slept until almost 9:30 the following morning.  Maybe I need to start putting her to bed earlier, but she’s already in bed (usually) by 8pm and putting her to bed any earlier would mean that she would see even less of Scott at night.  And really, she doesn’t seem tired enough to put her to bed any earlier.  Oh and if you’re wondering, she stopped napping about a year ago, so I don’t think that is a solution.

If this is any indication of things to come, she is going to be impossible to get out of bed for school when she’s a teenager!

The Pajama Problem

Kids come up with some weird ideas.  I’m not sure how this all started but a few months ago, Brinley decided that she would no longer wear matching pajamas.  She probably has at least a dozen pairs of PJs in her drawer.  Cute little matching sets – from flowers to monkeys to princesses to elephants.  However, she flat out refuses to wear the pants and shirt that are supposed to belong together.  So let’s say she picks out the monkey shirt from her pajama drawer.  Then the she can not and will not wear the monkey shirt that matches.  She’ll choose something completely silly to go with them, like the princess shirt.  Like I said, I have no idea how this all came about (though I’m sure it’s my husbands doing as I am shut out of their secret bedtime routine) but I see no end in sight.

A typical pajama selection - elephant top with milk & cookies pants

This is one of those battles that I chose not to fight.  I mean, who really cares what she wears to bed anyway as long as she’s warm and comfortable, right?  No one other than Scott and I is going to see her.  Well, it became a small issue when her preschool sent home a notice that they would be having a Pajama Day at school.  I told Brinley about it and she was soo excited that she’s be able to keep her PJs on all day. I, on the other hand, was not thrilled because it meant one of two things:  send her to school in non-matching pajamas or fight with her to wear a matching set.  I didn’t want to do either.  So, I told her a bit of a white lie.  I told her that the notice said that the pajamas that she wore to school had to match.  And what did she do?  She cried.  “But I don’t want to wear matching pajamas.  It’s not what I do!”  Apparently she is defined by her non-matching-ness.  I brought this up with her a few days in advance so that I had time to convince her to wear a matching set.  Who won the battle?  I did, thankfully.  It was probably silly for me to even care about it, but I take pride in making my kids look presentable in public – even if they are in their pajamas!

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