I’m not a Judgy McJudgerson.
Bearing the cloak of motherhood places you in situations that you would never otherwise be in. Moms are faced with decisions every day and must choose to do ‘this’ or ‘that’. Most times, there is no happy medium. As soon as that line appears on the pregnancy test, a soon to be mom must start making her decisions. What kind of prenatal vitamins will I take? Will I use a doula, a midwife, or just an OB? How should I tell my husband that we’re pregnant? And the decisions don’t stop there… breast or bottle? co-sleep or not? cloth diapers or disposable? cry it out (CIO) or not? vaccinate on schedule or delay? when to introduce solids? And the list goes on and on and on…
The problem with all of these decisions is that once you make it, you immediately become a part of a group and are often labeled or stereotyped into a category. This is something that I just can not stand. Just as no two children are the same, no two mothers are the same. I feel that moms make the choices that they make because they are 1) doing what they believe in and 2) doing what works best for their family. I do not think that moms choose to do what they do because they want to “fit in” or be a part of a certain mothering clique. However, after belonging to various parenting forums over the years, it’s quite obvious that even if you do not want to be labeled or stereotyped as a certain type of mom, you will be.
I’m not going to claim that I have all the answers or know the best way to do X, Y and Z. But I do what is right for my children and my family. Do I think that breastfeeding is important and the best start for a baby? Yes, I do. But I also understand that it’s not the best choice for everyone. There are many reasons why it doesn’t work out and therefore I do not judge the way a mother feeds her child. As long as the child is fed, I am happy. Both of my daughters weaned to formula around 10 months. It is what worked for us as a family. Do I co-sleep? No, I don’t. Most times, sleep is the only time of the day that I get to spend alone with my husband. I don’t want to be sharing my bed with yet another person. I like sleep too much. Both of my kids sleep great in their own spaces. But I have no problem with people who do co-sleep either. If it works best for them, then I say go for it. My sentiments are the same for all of the big mommy decisions. I do what I do because it works and it’s what is right for me yet I do not judge others who do the opposite.
I really wish that other moms felt the same way that I do about all of these decisions. I’m glad there are different parenting “styles” because it gives moms options to do what is best for them. I don’t think that just because a mom breastfeeds and uses cloth diapers that she is crunchy or granola. Likewise, I don’t think that if a mom formula feeds and uses disposable diapers that she doesn’t love her children and hates the environment. Live and let live! Can’t we all just get along?
about 1 year ago
Fantastic post! I love reading your blog, it’s REAL! I especially liked the post where your daughter told the story about what was in your fridge, beer and wine! Usually I keep my blog reading to myself but that one I read outloud to my husband, we enjoyed a great laugh!
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Kristin Reply:
March 18th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
Thank you so much for reading Michelle! This IS all real. I couldn’t make it up if I tried!
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about 1 year ago
that’s why i stopped even looking at parenting forums. i just talk to friends who know me and aren’t going to judge (as much). i agree…the point is that the kid is getting what it needs and really, that’s is all that matters!
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Kristin Reply:
March 18th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
I’ve since left all of the parent forums. I read blogs now because I can choose what I want to read. If someone rubs me the wrong way or seems to judgmental, then I just pass right by their blog. But I’ve found some really amazing, non-judgmental parents through blogging. Some of them have very similar parenting styles as me, and some are totally different. We all learn from each other and it’s great!
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about 1 year ago
Hey Michelle,
I’ve been called a lot of things, but REAL is great compliment when it comes to our parenting strategy. Are we awful parents because we keep beer/wine in the fridge and our kids prefer hip hop music in the car over Mozart? Haha, I think not!
- Scott (Kristin’s awesome husband)
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about 1 year ago
Well I read this post from the car and have been dying to respond. I’m what some call “earthy, crunchy”. We cloth diaper, exclusively breastfeed, held off on solids, co-slept for a short time, wear Ryann in a moby or ergo carrier and we have stopped using papertowels and napkins. I draw the line with cloth toilet paper. I have noticed, now that I’m a parent, that men and women who are judgemental before children are typically judgemental with children. They read all the books and are committed to only doing what the books says, and like you mentioned every baby is different. I love sharing my thoughts on our beliefs when it comes to parenting, but I am also open to other’s ideas and beliefs, because I don’t know it all. There are times I wish Ryann would take a bottle, but she is attached to me. There are times I wish we had put Ryann in her crib sooner than we did, but honestly you live and learn. When she’s sick I want nothing more than to cuddle next to her in bed while she snoozes. We makes choices based on what works for our family as well. I’d like to be considered a “real” parent too, because just as we make choices for our family, you make choices that work for your family. And I like nothing better than sharing conversation and learning from other parents who have done things differently, if you open your mind you might actually learn something.
Scott thanks for the shout out on our blog, you and JPW sound A LOT a like!
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Kristin Reply:
March 18th, 2010 at 8:32 pm
Well put Lins! People need to be more open minded to what is out there. There is no blanket solution to parenting.
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